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That evening I sat down and composed a long email in which I explained all my feelings, the betrayal, the sickness in my stomach and how I hated her and myself for letting it happen, I reminded her how I had accepted the initial blame for the start of her affair with Jerry and how I could have let that go and started afresh but although I still loved her with a passion I could not see us getting on the right road again, I ended the email by reminding her that she was strong enough to get her life back on track and how I would always support her when she needed me as I signed off the email I was crying. The next day there was no reply from Amanda and none again the following day, on the 3rd day she had sent a email saying she was coming to savannah arriving on Friday, she had booked a local hotel, close to where I was staying and begged me to meet her at the airport or at least get someone she could trust to meet her as she knew from the internet that savannah could be a dangerous. Ana María dared me to come out with her in just my panties. So I did.”Another twitch. That overnight was a couple of weeks after Heather’s pool party. Jim and I were outside in sleeping bags. Jim’s sister and Sam were inside the house. I definitely remembered that part of the night, especially the little performance Jim and I had given in front of Ana María’s bedroom window when we’d saluted the girls in the way teenage boys do best.“Things are changing. I know that. I like it, but I’m scared, too. Can you understand that?”She looked at me, not blinking.“I don’t want you for myself. I know you have your friends. I have mine. I know you sometimes do stuff with other girls and I don’t care. I just want us to be friends. I want you to be me, sort of. I want to be you.”A pause.“No, that’s stupid. What I mean is, I want us to be a team, like always.”I was trying to think about this and not getting very far. Aside from that little twitch or two earlier, I wasn’t hard. Was I sick?I know.
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